Ecosexual Earth Day dream

I was at a small, intimate gathering, reclining in a warm, soft, cushy, velvety space with a few other people. The whole room was brown — even the ceiling, and felt soft. I was in conversation with a man across the room, and then I moved closer so I could hear him better, as he spoke softly. He asked me my name, with great presence and interest. I don’t remember what we talked about but I remember how easy it felt being with him. We spent some time together and I felt very inspired and full of light after that. I went out for a walk with some female friends, and started telling them about him. We later came back to that soft, brown room, but I didn’t see him there. I said one more thing about what I liked about the man, and then I noticed across the room, the floor got bumpy and raised up slowly. I heard his voice as he acknowledged that he’d heard me speaking kindly of him and then I realized that he had been there all along, but was underneath a layer of moss and rhizomes all connected together like a thick blanket. I laughed and said, “wow — that’s some Dark Crystal shit you just did there!” Everyone else laughed and as he rose up to connect with me I saw this layer of rhizomes and roots lift up with him as if a carpet were being pulled up and the padding beneath it revealed. He was all dressed in brown, with long brown hair. Not a very large man, he felt more like an Earth sprite to me than a human in that moment. I guessed that he might be a Virgo. He had such a gentle, unassuming presence, I felt drawn again to move closer. He guided me to get there through a lower level in the floor, so I lifted up the thick, soft carpet of roots and ducked under what seemed like a table. We met in the center of the room in a magnetic and mutual embrace. He was smaller than I, so as he held me around the waist, his chin rested upon my chest, I felt my heart open in a way it hasn’t for so many years, and I turned to kiss the side of his forehead, feeling compelled by his honor for me. It was then that I realized we were underground, above us the roots and moss, and I felt so safe and so loved, I thought this must be the mate I have been longing for. But just as I noticed my urge to engage more intimately with him on a personal level, something pulled me out of the dream.

I lay there in lucid half-consciousness still feeling the warmth and vibration of the space I’d just been in, still envisioning this beautiful creature who held me with such honor and trust. As I got more distance from the dream, I tried to remember his face. I couldn’t quite picture it, but what I remember is that when I looked at him, I wasn’t thinking or feeling incredibly attracted to him on a sexual level as I might a man under normal circumstances. It’s not like I thought “wow, he’s really hot” or even all that beautiful, physically. He just felt like beauty, peace and love to me — and at the same time, I was definitely turned on, in a whole new way. It was then that I realized this was not a person I was in love with, it was the essence of soil and the life-giving, nurturing qualities it has when it’s honored and fostered appropriately.

A part of me was a bit sad to see him fade away as I filtered more into waking life. I wanted to go back into the dream and find him again. But the message I’ve gotten all day from this is that all I need is to return to the garden, sitting on the Earth with my hands in the soil, removing invasive weeds and adding compost. It’s no surprise that it’s been discovered soil microbes provide humans with a natural boost of serotonin — this is intended to ensure we will maintain a connection with it, for the health and vitality of all beings.

I have spent nearly every day over the past week sitting or kneeling in the soil to pull weeds and build containment beds for planting food, herbs and flowers. Last week I made compost tea from worm castings and sifted dry compost to add to my plantings. I’ve had myself covered in “dirt” for the past two weeks — it’s in my ears, in the creases of my neck, on my clothing, sometimes even in my underwear at the end of the day. And every day I’ve been outside doing these things, I have felt my heart wide open as if I’m fearlessly falling in love. Perhaps this is all part of the process of purifying my spirit and helping my intentions to flourish so as I continue to develop the food forest I’ve started, I will eventually attract a man into my life who feels as nourishing and safe as the Earth sprite in my dream. I wasn’t thinking about Earth Day at all when I went to bed last night, but I can’t think of a more appropriate dream, especially approaching Wesak day, the most fertile full moon of the year. I am holding this dream in my heart with every seed I plant this month. A wish for myself to be loved as much as I love the soil that supports us.